Their relationship was delicate, to say the least. Mahler had effectively banned Alma from composing herself, having sent her a twenty-two-page letter before their marriage demanding she stop her own creative pursuits: “the role of composer, the worker’s role, falls to me; yours is that of a loving companion”.
This destined their relationship to difficulty. At the time of their meeting, young Alma was madly in love with Alexander Zemlinsky. She wrote: “could I ever love Mahler as he deserves?… I don’t know my own heart… would Mahler encourage me to work? Would he stand by my art? Would he love me for it, as Alex does?” Not a promising start, then…
She was nineteen years younger than him but clearly idolised her husband. Alma said she married Mahler because she saw him as “the purest, the greatest genius” – but to marry him meant she had to give up everything. Nothing could disturb his almost priestly commitment to music. She agreed, at least at first, but soon came to confide: “work, exaltation, self-denial and the never-ending quest were his whole life… he noticed nothing of what it cost me… his work was all.”
Despite their undoubted closeness – Mahler would write long letters to his wife when away and expressed frustration at any brevity in her responses – there was always a looming sense of “the other”. If Mahler’s mistress was music, Alma was certainly at risk of straying; even during their engagement, he reproached her for constant flirtation with other men. In her two books, she makes many false claims and certainly advances an image of Mahler as a maniacal, impatient egocentric on the brink of nervous collapse.
Though theirs was a romance of tension and release, love and loss, it can be heard in the vagaries and contradictions of his writing.